I thought this was a perfect post to do on a ‘Words & Wine Down Wednesday’, as I am certain not everyone is going to agree with me. This could get a little controversial {sip}. I guess that is the beauty of being a blogger and having a light-hearted column that comes out once a week while everyone is sipping wine. I get to share my thoughts and opinions while you are getting tipsy hearing them. However, there certainly could be a downside to both the tipsy part, as well as the risk of me offending someone. I truly do not know how I have been so lucky. I have never (thus far), knock on wood {sip} had anyone comment back with anything but positive feedback. No offense has been taken. {whew, sip} I don’t know how that can be, but I am enjoying it, while I have it. I’m a little apprehensive about today’s post, however. But just remember, these are my opinions (only) and let’s NOT forget, I have had MORE kids than the average. {sip} I think that says something.

5 THINGS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE ‘HAVING’ KIDS AND/OR HAVING ‘MORE’ KIDS

Let’s start with a little disclaimer: {sip} Everything I am about to say is my opinion (only). I am by no means a Psychologist, social worker, or therapist. Although, being a mother of five, I could probably hold those titles; among others. {sip} Back to the disclaimer: Although I respect ANYONE who chooses to never have children of their own, nowhere in this post will you see me recommend NOT having children at all, as I could not imagine growing old and never having my own children. It’s important I get that point accross. I am mainly talking about things to consider BEFORE starting your family AND things to consider before launching into having MORE. I am going to drink some wine and talk to you just as I would if I were sitting down with any one of my daughters. Sorry if I get blunt. Have a drink and get over it. {gulp}

1.  AM I IN A STABLE MARRIED RELATIONSHIP? If you’re not married, why would you even consider having kids? Sorry, I had to say it, because I just don’t get it. There’s birth control and there is no excuse. My opinion, here! These type of accidents don’t usually ‘just’ happen. {sip} If you are married however, ask yourself this question, “Is my marriage stable?” I don’t by any means encourage divorce, but if you think there is any possible chance this marriage is not going to survive, bringing a child into this world needs to be put on hold. Get the marriage stable first. Having a child will only bring more animosity into the picture. It will NOT bring you closer or fix the problems you currently have. It will only add to them! I don’t need a Psychology degree to know this: If the marriage is unstable and you already HAVE children together, hold off on having more for the time being. Again, get the marriage stable first! {whew, sip}

2.  WHAT IS THE STABILITY OF MY SPOUSE’S (AND MY OWN) CAREER AND INCOME? This is big people! {have a drink} This one may get disputable, but I have five kids to back my theory. If you and hubby are not bringing in a stable income, or are up to your eyeballs in debt, guess what? Baby needs to wait. Baby can come eventually and you can practice all you want. {gulp} But baby is not going to be right now. Make a plan TODAY to get yourself from drowning in this debt and then baby can be considered. If you’re struggling to make ends meet, starting or growing your existing family will only create to the current struggle. Access your combined income, compare it to your outgoing expenses, consider what your insurance coverage is for the medical expenses that will incur with a pregnancy and a newborn, and devise a plan TOGETHER! Raising a family is a HUGE expense … HUGE!! If you are collecting government assistance, don’t even ask for my opinion because I WOULD OFFEND you! {gulp, gulp and more gulp} Again, I am talking to you as if I were sitting down with any one of my five girls. I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your parent!!! {gulp, again}

3.  HOW MUCH TIME DO ‘I’ OR MY SPOUSE SPEND AT WORK AND EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES? We have a couple scenarios here. If you are a stay at home mom and hubby works from early in the morning until late in the evening, spending very little time at home, you have some things to consider. If it’s not a big deal, and #1 and #2 are consistently good, then by all means, go for it. However, if you are the ‘resentment-type’ and are going to be holding this over hubby’s head, then you may want to hold-off on starting a family or growing the one you already have until the hours become more stable. Again, having children does not IMPROVE relationships, or make a troubled one better. Having a family is a beautiful thing and can be very enriching to a marriage, but if #1 and #2 are not the case, nine times out of ten, you won’t see the ‘enriching’ part. Scenario two: if you’re both working a lot of hours; stressed, exhausted, and rarely have time to even take care of yourselves, what are you thinking a baby or another baby are going to bring to the table? This is something to think about. Are you looking at the expense of childcare? Grandma is NOT your free service daycare, ok! She’s a grandma, and it’s your responsibility to find the help you are going to need while you’re working. There will be a hefty price tag associated with this. If you’re shelling out a great portion of your and hubby’s salary for childcare, where does that leave #2? Extra curricular activities: Again, you have to look at things like you and your spouse’s willingness to continue some of the ‘fun’ in life. Yes, we all need it and I encourage it. But again, there is childcare expenses if the two of you do something together. And if you’re doing extra-curricular outings separately, are you going to be ok with what the hubby is doing while you’re at home with a baby or a houseful of kids? An example being, if your hubby is golfing (or hunting, whatever) 2-3 nights per week after work, and you’re thinking once baby comes it will stop, shame on you for making assumptions. {sip} Chances are hubby has not even given a second thought to his extra-curricular beer drinking, ball-hitting, deer-gutting with the boys adventure. {gulp} Here comes the resentment! Sit down together, keep an open mind, and discuss each other’s expectations and devise a plan. One with flexibility, I might add. It can all work, trust me, but it takes communicating (not assuming) and working TOGETHER as a team!!!

4.  IS MY SPOUSE THE ‘TYPE’ TO HELP OUT? Another biggie, and one I have heard women complain about my whole entire adult life. It’s one thing to joke chauvinistically about it, but when it’s serious business, it’s nothing but resentment for your spouse being verbalized. What are girlfriends for, right? {sippy-time}. In my opinion, I think when you are in a serious long-term dating relationship, you get a sense of how the other person’s household work habits are going to be. It becomes clear quite quickly if a person is energetic and ambitious when it comes to the care and keeping of their things and staying organized. You’ll also recognize whether or not they are offering and helping not only you, but others, as well. This generally sets the tone for what type of spouse or dad someone is going to be. Look at how many times we have said about a girlfriends beau, “He will make such a good husband”, or “He is NOT husband material!” We’ve all thought it and said it. I have to say, ask yourself that. If you can see it while the two of you are dating, expect that same result once you are married and have a family. This may be something you want to think about before marriage is even being considered. As hard as it is to believe, girls, you CAN get OUT of your dysfunctional relationship. The time is NOW! You will survive. Look at your parents. They survived many break-ups before they became husband and wife. They didn’t have smart phones to keep the relationship in ball-and-chain status. When it was over, it was over, and they got over it, and you will too. Ok, back on track {gulp}. The conclusion; if it is important for you to have the father of your children plugged in when it comes to taking care of the babies and kids (feeding, changing, bathing, etc), now is the time to observe and consider if he fits the bill. This is not something you want to do AFTER baby comes along. He (or she) is not going to change once ‘Poopsie-whoopsie’ comes into the picture. Ask yourself, is he going to get up in the middle of the night with a teething infant? If you don’t think he will and this isn’t a problem, than by all means, make some babies and enjoy the process while you’re doing it. {gulp} Just make sure you are not living a pipe dream. Think this through, long and hard! Again, I can not stress the importance of sitting down with your spouse and discussing these imperatively important things PRIOR to a pregnancy! Remember my motto with eating & exercise, “Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail!”. It is endless how many areas of our lives this statement applies to.

5.  IS HAVING A LARGE FAMILY THE BEST CHOICE FOR MY HUSBAND AND I? There is nothing wrong with two children, folks. That is a beautiful, manageable family. Going beyond that can be just as beautiful. I have five; believe me when I say I cannot tell you how many times I have asked, “Why me?” What made such a sinful, flawed, faith-failing person, such as myself, be blessed so abundantly by my Heavenly Father. I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having a large family. I could write a book on all the greatness that comes, and will come, from this beautiful family that I have been blessed dearly with. But don’t be fooled into believing any false fallacy of white-picket fences, fresh baked pies, and an apron around June Cleaver’s waist. THIS, my friends, is NOT for the faint at heart, faint backbone, faint income, etc.. etc.. etc. Here’s another whole book deal that I could get rich from. If you have two children and are considering “Poopsie-Whoopsie” #3, go back up to #1 and start reading each and every number. After each number, ask yourself, where does my husband and I fall in this category? Obviously. if it’s low on ANY of them, I’ll let you be the judge of what my thoughts are. If it’s average, hmmm, looking back and if I were advising my own kids, I’d say “Not good enough”. I guess what I am getting at, is your answers need to be excellent. It needs to be “my spouse and I execute in all areas!” To have child number 3, you could probably have a little elbow room; but beyond that, it may be time to make hubby a urologist appointment. I know that’s a strong arguable statement {have a sip} and could very well offend someone. I apologize, but again if you were my child, this is what you’d hear. I mean who am I, right? Just a mother of five, that’s all. What do I know?

Some other requirements for having three or more children: your organizational skills MUST be IMPECCABLE! Your spouse needs to be completely on the ball with every aspect of the kid’s lives. If the parents aren’t 100% on the same page and working together as a team, by the time those kids hit the age of 12, they will be running YOU, not YOU running them. You better know how to say, “NO!”  – CONFIDENTLY! You must believe in discipline and consequences way more than you ever thought you would, and your spouse will need to back you on them (vice-versa). You MUST be OK with being the enemy, because when you have that many kids, a lot of the time, that is what you will be. On the other hand, be prepared for extra love, too. It goes both ways, but the “enemy” one happens more often. Another biggie, YOU are NOT their FRIEND. You WILL be, but not while they’re under your roof! And last but not least, If you want a big family ….. brace yourself!

Obviously, there are other more health related things to consider before having a baby or having more children. Those are not the topics I chose to hit on for today’s ‘Words & Wine Down Wednesday’. But I do however, feel they are just as important and need to be addressed. If you want a post on it, let me know. Although this last statement seems very obvious, it can’t go without saying, first and foremost, BOTH the husband and wife MUST be in agreement about a future pregnancy to begin with.

I hope you enjoyed this post. For many of you, this won’t even apply, because you are way past those years. Please don’t hesitate however, to share this post with the younger generation, as I think there is a lot that can be taken from it. Now, should we take a look at the details of today’s look? How about the details on this bottle of wine? {sip}

TOP: from Macy’s. I could not find this particular print online, only in the store, but these here and here are the same exact top with a different print and are currently on sale for $29.99. I am wearing size small. JEANS: Ankle | Handbag: Steve Madden, another Steve Madden in the same color is linked here. Some less expensive handbags in the same color family are here, here and here | BLUSH HEELS: I am wearing these here, but they are awfully high, so I am offering other more ‘wearable’ options here and here, and for those of you that like the Valentino Studded look, this option here | NECKLACE: old; similar ones here, this one, these, and these ones here and here | WATCH: here .. love this one here for spring/summer and it’s only $19.99 | BRACELETS: options here and here. The beaded ones I am wearing are old and from Target but I just purchased this set here for spring & summer. Look for it in a fashion post, soon| RING: INC currently on sale | NAIL POLISH: OPI | EYE SHADOW PALETTE: here | BLUSH: here. I purchased a new blush brush and used it for the first time in this look and LOVED IT! I linked it here| PRESSED POWDER COMPACT: here | LIPSTICK: here, dabbed Maybelline Petal Pink on the bottom center and topped with this LIP GLOSS: here | LIP PENCIL: here

Nail Polish: Look At My Bowl | PEEP Bunny

WINE REVIEW: Starborough Sauvignon Blanc ($15.00) Wine – Everything about tonight’s wine makes me think of spring and summer. Those are the times of the year when I most often drink this wine. Even the bottle, with it’s starfish, makes me think of breezy nights at the ocean. Ok, now I’m dreaming. When it comes to Sauvignon Blancs, I prefer the New Zealand’s infamous wine producing region – Marlborough, than I do the California regions. Marlborough is especially known for it’s Sauvignon Blancs, and this bottle here, does its home region proud. This wine has fragrant aromas: green peppers, melons, limes and kiwis. Are you thinking summer, yet? You will get a nice fragrant hint of these aromas as soon as you screw open the top. The first sip lives up to it amazing nose. You will taste sun-warmed grass and herbs. These are followed by the green pepper and lime, just layers and layers of flavor. It finishes tart – but not so tart that the sides of your mouth start watering. The best thing I can compare this wine to is drinking a summer garden full of herbs. It’s the official wine of sunshine and gardening, and all around, nice weather. Stock up on this one for your spring and summer events. It’s a crowd pleasure, starfish label and all.

10-Pack Pen Pal Pen Holders sold here

Disclaimer: Beverages containing alcohol are often associated with sharing, pleasure, unwinding, and socializing. However, there are times when drinking at all or too much can be risky to you or to others. This blog post is for light-hearted sharing ONLY! If you are over the age of 21 and choose to drink, please drink responsibly and don’t drink and drive.