Expectation is the root of all heartache

Hello, Everyone! Long time, no post! {gulp} I am not going to bore you with all the excuses, because nobody cares and we all have them! {sip} But I will say this, my blog posting absence has been all for the good.

Shall we tap right in? Happy Words & Wine Down Wednesday! Since I am quite a communicator (a.k.a., talker), {sip} here is a little update on things to come. Unfortunately, I will not be getting out all the intended blog posts I had planned for the month of April. {gulp} With some of the AWESOME upcoming events I have scheduled for May, I’ve had to make some adjustments. With that being said, you can expect to see blog posts coming soon, on a couple of those events. Also, watch my Snapchat for a couple of those missed blog posts, as I am planning on doing Snap-Stories on them instead. If you are not following me on Snapchat, you are missing out on a lot of content. I consider many of the Snap-Stories I do to be equivalent to writing a blog post. Please follow me on that platform to get all the benefits of what I have to share… including plenty of entertainment and a lot of me without makeup {gulp}. Username: tracy_hensel. I cannot thank enough, those of you that do follow me and interact with me on that platform. I have made some of the greatest friends there, and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to meet a few of you in person at next month’s Beauty and Fashion event at Nordstrom-Troy at the Somerset Collection. Watch for a blog post to come out soon with details on this event.

Perfect Life vs. Real Life

If you do follow me on Snapchat, then you probably saw my little segment on Sunday regarding the ‘perfect life’. {sip} I want to hit on that topic a little for this evening’s Wine Down. Although I found it strange, I believe that there is a reason that over the past week, I have had three separate conversations pertaining to how people want this so-called, ‘perfect life’. One was not even a conversation, but rather the message given by my pastor at Sunday’s church service. Many of you have already heard what I have to say about having the ‘perfect life’, or more accurately, my rant on Snapchat. {gulp} But not everyone is on Snapchat or watched it. Therefore, I feel a need to share a little more on this particular topic. In all honesty, hearing that so many people are striving for this perfect life, comes as quite a surprise to me. Hey, some of us have to live in a bubble, right? {sip} I often am reminded that everyone does not think the way I do. This past week’s conversations and message happen to be one of these particular times.

One of my favorite quotes came from William Shakespeare, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” I think of this quote often when I struggle with the expectations I have, not only for myself, but others, as well. I truly believe this is why I am an ‘expert’ communicator. I know, who says that about themselves? {gulp} But, I’m ok with saying that … Yes, I literally ROCK at communicating! Hey, if you have something you excel at, own it, Sister! {sip} We all have our faults, but there are some things we excel at and we shouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about it! {sip} Being a good communicator can alleviate a lot, when it comes to expectations and heartache, but we will save communication skills for another blog post. Back to our quote by Shakespeare, my question to those of you that are walking around life with a pity-party “poor me” attitude… why? Let me see if I’ve got this right: I suck, my job sucks, my spouse sucks, my marriage sucks, my kids suck, I am a complete failure, my life is a failure, I’m a fat cow, I don’t succeed at anything, I don’t complete anything. I have no sense of direction, my life is in disarray. Any of these, or maybe all of them, sound familiar, people? Before I go on yet another Words & Wine Down rant, let me say two things: #1. Welcome to the real world, glad you joined the rest of the posse! We are so happy to have more ‘train wrecks’ in our corner. {gulp} You know what they say, “Misery loves company!” #2. What ever made you think that you would be the “one” that wouldn’t struggle, now and again, with some (or all) of these things??? What led or is ‘MIS’-leading you in believing that you should be this so-called ‘perfect one’ with the ‘perfect life’? {gulp and gulp, hard}

I want to explain why I think those of you that are striving for this ‘perfect life’ are so miserable vs. those of us that don’t strive for … or for that matter, even think about the ‘perfect life’. It’s pretty simple, actually. Those of us that aren’t striving for the perfect life just expect these things to happen. On the other hand, a person striving for the perfect life, doesn’t. Now don’t read into this too much. I’m not saying we shouldn’t always be working to be a better person. Nor am I saying that every moment of every day a person who is content with their life is faced with all of these things. What I am saying is that rarely does a day go by that we don’t encounter at least one of these feelings. But the difference is, we think of them as natural, a part of life. A part of life, where we just plug along and do the best we can. It doesn’t necessarily mean we may not end up in a bad mood or get edgy with people, or be sad …. afterall, we are human beings with emotions and feelings. But we also don’t feel or classify ourselves as being depressed. We don’t lose hope, or have a ‘give-up’ attitude. Our ‘expectation’ is realistic. We know these feelings are going to happen, and happen often. If you’re a ‘perfect life’ striver, you have very different expectations and also have this misconception that everyone (but you) has their shit together, their marriage together, their job working for them, and it’s all perfect! WRONG!!!! {gulp} This is what I referred to on Snapchat as ‘stinkin’-thinkin’. It’s tragic for people to have allowed themselves to be misled into this false fallacy. It is not real. And it certainly is not healthy. Come on you guys, we are smarter than this. Instead of having an expectation of a ‘Perfect Life’, try to have an expectation of a ‘Real Life’. Once you do this, you will have less heartache. You will quit walking around as if you are some lost, hopeless, depressed individual. You will realize that although everyone’s daily struggles may be different than your own, they don’t come with a free pass or a fast pass … just as you and your life don’t. It is tragic how many people are walking around with a medicine cabinet full of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications, thinking this is going to fix their unhappiness. It’s another form of being misled and another opportunity for you to be a smarter person. Prescription meds can’t fix life. They may be able to put a temporary band-aid on the wound, but they cannot fix everyday life happenings. Life really isn’t fixable, it just continues to go on and on. It doesn’t’ stop at ‘Perfection Blvd.’ for anyone. Your life and mine, along with everyone else’s, will have its fair share of hurt, flaws, mishaps, regrets, embarrassment and all the other things that we will be faced with on a day-to-day basis. Expect them!

What you see on television and in the movie theatre is called, Entertainment. It is there to entertain you for your pleasure and enjoyment. If it was ‘real’, it would be boring and not worthy of watching. Who wants to watch a ‘real’ or ‘normal’ life like the one you or I are living? Social Media is another one. There are a lot of filters, editing, and staging that goes on for a lot of these platforms. Some of these platforms call for that type of content. You have to recognize and decipher through that. But again, this in a sense, is another form of entertainment. We are entertained by it. If it wasn’t appealing in some way, either by photos or words, it wouldn’t be worth your time. Let’s take a look at the Social Media platform, ‘Facebook’. You’re in trouble if you post something pertaining to ‘Life being great’ and you’re a drama queen if you post something pertaining to ‘life being a disaster’. You really can’t win. Regardless, be happy for the good in people’s life, but never for a second be misled into thinking they don’t have the everyday struggles that you or I do. They are actually just choosing to NOT post about all the bad that may be going on in their life and their day to day struggles. There is nothing wrong with that. Nobody wants to hear your drama!

If this is an area that you really struggle with in your life, I hope you can take something from this. Also, realize that if you’re walking around crabby all the time and wondering why nobody cares, it’s because nobody really feels sorry for you. {gulp} I know that may be hard to swallow. We all struggle, and nobody is going to feel sorry because you’re choosing to have a bad attitude and outlook on life. Now I don’t want to get all spiritual on you either, but it goes without saying, the impact and change of perspective you will have by practicing your faith. Whatever it is, whether it’s praying and speaking to God, going to church, or wherever you practice your faith. There is also some wonderful faith-based books out there … whatever it is that centers and grounds you can go along way in how you see your life and others. Last but not least, remember the quote by William Shakespeare. Watch your expectations: are they ‘Perfect’ or are they ‘Real’?

The LBD

Can you believe a dress for under $10? {sip} I’ll be completely honest, if I was out shopping and stumbled across a dress for under $10, I probably wouldn’t have given it a thought. Body con and a mere $10 … in my mind, I’m thinking ‘chincy’! You know what I mean, that cheap, thin fabric that shows every lump, bump, and dimple that your body is held hostage to. {gulp} At my age, well any age for that matter .. can’t do ‘chincy’!

But I didn’t actually stumble across this $10, simple black dress. One of my daughters is a sucker for buying dresses. She buys dresses like some of us buy shoes. {sip} So she ends up with more dresses than she has events to wear them too. Sound familiar? So I just happen to waltz my way into her bedroom closet to see what recent purchases she had made and if there was something I could possibly pull off. It’s risky business for a mid-forty-something to be in a seventeen year old’s closet. {sip} Not a lot to work with, even if we are the same size. I stumbled across this simple black dress with the price tag still hanging on it. I thought, under $10, ok, we’ll see about that. Well low and behold, I was pleasantly surprised. I actually love this dress because it has a conservative hemline and being all black, it could be worn numerous ways: dressed up / dressed down, with a sweater, blazer, jacket, leather moto, or solo .. like I did in this look. I think this dress is a complete wardrobe staple. However, ladies, don’t forget to have your shapewear handy. You can find several options to choose from, in this blog post.

Dress: Forever 21 also in plus size. I also linked a couple other styles, Belted / A-line  / Shift / Plus Sheath | Shoes: similar here. Fringe is really big and I am loving some of these affordable options: Fringe Sandals / Fringe Heels / Braided Sandals / Strappy Sandals | Handbag: H & M | Earrings: old, others I love: Baublebar / Macy’s / Baublebar  / Tassel | Bracelets: old, similar options Macy’s / Baublebar / H & M /Chan Lu

Essie Playdate | Orly Vintage | Red Cherry Lashes

The Wine

Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc ($15): you already know most of my favorite Sauvignon Blancs come from New Zealand. I explain that more in this blog post about having kids. I have not had this particular Sauv-Blanc prior to tonight. Coming from Marlborough, I don’t expect it to be anything but pleasing to the palette. If you want to hear my thoughts on this bottle of Nobilo, check out my Snapchat to see what I have to say.

Guess what, Guys? Spring weather is coming!!!

Disclaimer: Beverages containing alcohol are often associated with sharing, pleasure, unwinding, and socializing. However, there are times when drinking at all or too much can be risky to you or to others. This blog post is for light-hearted sharing ONLY! If you are over the age of 21 and choose to drink, please drink responsibly and don’t drink and drive.